Oh yes, I know where he is and what he’s been up to…
So when the young woman’s friends ask her where they can find the one she loves –
Where has your beloved gone,
most beautiful of women?
Which way did your beloved turn,
that we may look for him with you? Song of Songs 6:1
– she knows. Oh yes, she knows all too well…
My beloved has gone down to his garden,
to the beds of spices,
to browse in the gardens
and to gather lilies.
I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine;
he browses among the lilies. Song of Songs 6:2-3
We’re back to that lady garden again!
So two short points to ponder on today…
How much is too much to talk about sex? How much is right to share? Of course, in any conversation about sex, there is a good chance that people won’t feel able to be completely honest – they feel they have to exaggerate…or downright lie. Because no one wants to admit that their sex life isn’t that great, do they? They feel there’s some sort of shame and failure attached to that. But if you are fortunate enough to find a supportive group of friends that you can trust – then how much it is right to open up to them? It really surprised me when I read Rob Bell’s book ‘The Zimzum of Marriage’ that he strongly recommends that we should never talk about our sexual relationship with our partner with any friends ever – that what happens between us should stay between us. I can see that talking too openly and freely is maybe not healthy. But I do feel that, particularly for women, it is good to talk. We can support each other. We can encourage each other. I guess I am now more careful what I say, but I do still share with a small group of trusted friends…
Is it really healthy to feel that you belong to someone else? I know people who really struggle with this language of belonging. That they are not comfortable with feeling that they belong to someone else. And with all the restrictions that that statement seems to hold. Or the way in which it makes them seem like a possession. I, for one, like it. I like to know where I belong. A safe place where I can be me and he can be him. There’s a feeling of trust there – a mutual belonging, a trust. It is not one way, that is the key, I think. I belong to him and he belongs to me. A one-way belonging is not right. And I know people talk about this book as an analogy of our relationship with God and sometimes I struggle to see that, but I do see it right here. That sense of belonging. Of trust. Of a two way belonging. I belong to God and God belongs to me.
Sorry if this seems a bit rushed today. My husband is 50 today and I have a cake to make! But you can think on these things further if you want to…and Rob Bell’s book is a really good one to get hold of that is all about that special place of energy that is between you as a couple…I have it if you want to borrow it. Discover your ‘zimzum’!
